There are many scars on my body as a result of my recent illness. Big scars, little scars, wide scars, narrow scars, short scars, long scars, scars on my arms from multiple blood tests, dialysis sticks, creations of fistulas, and IVs. I have scars on my neck and chest from permanent ports and scars on my spine from cervical drainage of abscesses and repair of the damage done to my lower spine by the diseases. There are probably other scars that I haven't found yet.
The scars on my arms are very noticeable and often bring on questions or comments from friends. I just tell them that I am a Human Road Map. The scars lead to the Miracles that God has performed in my life.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Adequacy
I hear the word 'adequacy' and relate it to being 'adequate.' That is something I always thought was not a good thing. I remember hearing the phrase 'adequate, at best.' It was used to describe a job which was not done well. No one wanted to be told that they or the job they did was adequate.
However, (you knew that there had to be a 'however', didn't you?) I learned a new definition for adequacy. When our blood is drawn for lab tests, it is measured for adequacy.
The Nurse Practitioner visited each dialysis patient yesterday to discuss our most recent lab results. She told me that my adequacy was the best she has seen in recent weeks. She said that she had reviewed the reports of over 100 patients and my report was by far the best. (How about that? I'm at the top of the class?) I asked her what did that mean. She said that 'adequacy' is the measurement of the degree of the cleansing of toxins from the blood. That is the job of our kidneys, but when one has kidney failure, a dialysis machine has to do the job. I'm hoping that my results are good because my own kidneys may be 'kicking in.'
I used to pray for my kidneys to 'rejuvenate', then after months on dialysis, I gave up hope and prayed for a transplant. But Susan and Joann told me that the kidney doctor had told them that he was hoping that the use of a fistula would help my kidneys 'return.' He said that he wasn't going to consider this to be permanent kidney failure until I had used the fistula for six months. I started using it June 6th. So I have some time to go before I 'give up.'
Those of you who have worked with me know that I don't give up easily. I tend to thrive with challenges. So I'm praying for my kidneys to start to work again. You are welcome to board this prayer train with me.
God bless you all.
However, (you knew that there had to be a 'however', didn't you?) I learned a new definition for adequacy. When our blood is drawn for lab tests, it is measured for adequacy.
The Nurse Practitioner visited each dialysis patient yesterday to discuss our most recent lab results. She told me that my adequacy was the best she has seen in recent weeks. She said that she had reviewed the reports of over 100 patients and my report was by far the best. (How about that? I'm at the top of the class?) I asked her what did that mean. She said that 'adequacy' is the measurement of the degree of the cleansing of toxins from the blood. That is the job of our kidneys, but when one has kidney failure, a dialysis machine has to do the job. I'm hoping that my results are good because my own kidneys may be 'kicking in.'
I used to pray for my kidneys to 'rejuvenate', then after months on dialysis, I gave up hope and prayed for a transplant. But Susan and Joann told me that the kidney doctor had told them that he was hoping that the use of a fistula would help my kidneys 'return.' He said that he wasn't going to consider this to be permanent kidney failure until I had used the fistula for six months. I started using it June 6th. So I have some time to go before I 'give up.'
Those of you who have worked with me know that I don't give up easily. I tend to thrive with challenges. So I'm praying for my kidneys to start to work again. You are welcome to board this prayer train with me.
God bless you all.
A Broken Mold
I think they 'broke the mold' when they created Texas men.
My experience of living in Texas has exposed me to some truly courteous men. The two gentlemen who share a table with me and some other ladies in the dining room are so courteous and thoughtful all the time. Yes, occasionally they can get a little cranky about the service and quality of food but they HAVE lived over eight decades and have earned that right. Yet they always stand until all the ladies at the table are seated, check to be sure everyone is served what they ordered, and seem to be truly interested in the conversation.
I went shopping at Target with my granddaughter, Katie, and her boyfriend, Denny, this afternoon. I had already been to the doctor for a follow-up visit, had my 90 minute physical therapy session, and eaten lunch, and I was a little tired by the time we reached the store. So I got one of the motorized carts for my shopping.
As I approached the check-out line, a male customer approached me and offered to empty my basket onto the moving counter. I politely declined because I am a very independent woman!!! (I really need to learn to let a man wait on me.) But wasn't that nice of him? That has never happened to me before.
The chivalry did not stop there. After checking out, I 'drove' the cart to its original parking spot near Aisle One, grabbed my cane and headed for the exit. With that another gentleman in a red Target vest approached me and told me that I could 'drive' the cart to the car and he would return it to the store. Again, I politely declined the offer and walked my independent self to the car. Katie and Denny carried my bags and we were parked in a nearby handicap space.
So there you have it, Texas gentlemen are among the most courteous I've met. Or is there the slightest chance that perhaps now that I'm healthy and skinny again, men are beginning to notice me and may possibly be 'hitting on me?' Nah, I don't think so!!!
My experience of living in Texas has exposed me to some truly courteous men. The two gentlemen who share a table with me and some other ladies in the dining room are so courteous and thoughtful all the time. Yes, occasionally they can get a little cranky about the service and quality of food but they HAVE lived over eight decades and have earned that right. Yet they always stand until all the ladies at the table are seated, check to be sure everyone is served what they ordered, and seem to be truly interested in the conversation.
I went shopping at Target with my granddaughter, Katie, and her boyfriend, Denny, this afternoon. I had already been to the doctor for a follow-up visit, had my 90 minute physical therapy session, and eaten lunch, and I was a little tired by the time we reached the store. So I got one of the motorized carts for my shopping.
As I approached the check-out line, a male customer approached me and offered to empty my basket onto the moving counter. I politely declined because I am a very independent woman!!! (I really need to learn to let a man wait on me.) But wasn't that nice of him? That has never happened to me before.
The chivalry did not stop there. After checking out, I 'drove' the cart to its original parking spot near Aisle One, grabbed my cane and headed for the exit. With that another gentleman in a red Target vest approached me and told me that I could 'drive' the cart to the car and he would return it to the store. Again, I politely declined the offer and walked my independent self to the car. Katie and Denny carried my bags and we were parked in a nearby handicap space.
So there you have it, Texas gentlemen are among the most courteous I've met. Or is there the slightest chance that perhaps now that I'm healthy and skinny again, men are beginning to notice me and may possibly be 'hitting on me?' Nah, I don't think so!!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Good, The Bad and The Not So Ugly
Much has happened in the past three days.
It seems that I get busier with each passing day. Each day is filled with some good, some bad and some of neither.
GOOD:
Monday, I donated several games to the Therapy Department and to the Activity Room. Also, my permanent port was removed by my cardio-vascular surgeon.
Tuesday, the kidney doctor confirmed that less time on the dialysis machine did not mean that my kidneys were not being adequately cleaned (My family had expressed concern about my time being cut from four hours to three and a half hours) and she also told me to stop one of my blood pressure medications (I have been taking up to six BP pills a day. Now I take only five maximum.)
Today, I went out with The Lunch Bunch to eat at The Hill Country Pasta House. Great lunch and good company. I got an opportunity to know one of the residents a little better. Her name is Virginia (Ginny) and she was born in Illinois, grew up in Ohio, went to college in NYC where she met her husband who was in The Navy. They moved around so much that she has now lived in 19 states. I'm not even sure that I have traveled to that many states!!
After lunch, I returned to my apartment and made six necklaces. Within 30 minutes of finishing them, I had sold three. I've got quite a little business going here. Truth be known, making jewelry is such good therapy for me. I like having something to do with my hands while watching TV. I get a special feeling when I see someone wearing some of my products. I don't have to advertise. Word of mouth is doing the marketing job for me.
BAD
Monday, brought some big summer electrical storms but no damage that I know of. I did learn that the air conditioning at my house has gone out and needs serious repair. Although the unit and parts are under warranty, the labor may be in the 'four figure' range.
Tuesday, dialysis treatment brought on nausea once again, but not for long and not as strong. When the needles were pulled, the arterial line tried to 'bleed out', but I caught it early and I didn't lose too much blood. I also learned yesterday that the local clinic (with dialysis treatment) that was being planned for less than a mile from here has been 'ditched' and will not be finished. (Another economy casualty.)
Today, it's almost 9:00 pm. and I can't think of anything bad in my life today. However, two of my neighbors suffered bad falls yesterday. I absolutely hate to see that happen. One thinks that he just got dizzy when he came inside from the porch and stumbled as he entered the door. He cut his knee and really banged it and his ribs, but no broken bones. The other told me that she was going from her living room to the bathroom and simply 'blacked out' and landed on the floor. She stayed in bed all day. My PT tells me of all the things to do to avoid falls. I see people not doing those things all the time. I hope I never forget her warnings and advice.
NOT SO UGLY
Monday
We have pencils and menus at our place settings in the dining room. The pencils are the little short ones that you find at golf courses. They are always just ugly little nubs and difficult to use. So being the problem solver that I am, I took my battery powered pencil sharpener to the dining room and went around to every table and sharpened every pencil. Somebody's got to do it. Why not me?
Tuesday, I removed the dressing from my incision from where the surgeon removed my port. After seeing the port after it was removed, I expected to see quite a large incision. But much to my surprise I, found a very small incision. There may not be a noticeable scar after all. Not that it matters to me. After last summer I have so many scars in so many places on my body that I could pass as a page in an Atlas. I just consider my body, scars and all, as a road map to God's miracles in my life.
Today
The only thing that I can think of that might fit in this category for today is the extra weight I may have gained from eating lunch off site today. But most of it will be pulled tomorrow at dialysis, I'm sure.
Well, friends, I've written enough for tonight. So I'll just say "Sleep well and God Bless You".
It seems that I get busier with each passing day. Each day is filled with some good, some bad and some of neither.
GOOD:
Monday, I donated several games to the Therapy Department and to the Activity Room. Also, my permanent port was removed by my cardio-vascular surgeon.
Tuesday, the kidney doctor confirmed that less time on the dialysis machine did not mean that my kidneys were not being adequately cleaned (My family had expressed concern about my time being cut from four hours to three and a half hours) and she also told me to stop one of my blood pressure medications (I have been taking up to six BP pills a day. Now I take only five maximum.)
Today, I went out with The Lunch Bunch to eat at The Hill Country Pasta House. Great lunch and good company. I got an opportunity to know one of the residents a little better. Her name is Virginia (Ginny) and she was born in Illinois, grew up in Ohio, went to college in NYC where she met her husband who was in The Navy. They moved around so much that she has now lived in 19 states. I'm not even sure that I have traveled to that many states!!
After lunch, I returned to my apartment and made six necklaces. Within 30 minutes of finishing them, I had sold three. I've got quite a little business going here. Truth be known, making jewelry is such good therapy for me. I like having something to do with my hands while watching TV. I get a special feeling when I see someone wearing some of my products. I don't have to advertise. Word of mouth is doing the marketing job for me.
BAD
Monday, brought some big summer electrical storms but no damage that I know of. I did learn that the air conditioning at my house has gone out and needs serious repair. Although the unit and parts are under warranty, the labor may be in the 'four figure' range.
Tuesday, dialysis treatment brought on nausea once again, but not for long and not as strong. When the needles were pulled, the arterial line tried to 'bleed out', but I caught it early and I didn't lose too much blood. I also learned yesterday that the local clinic (with dialysis treatment) that was being planned for less than a mile from here has been 'ditched' and will not be finished. (Another economy casualty.)
Today, it's almost 9:00 pm. and I can't think of anything bad in my life today. However, two of my neighbors suffered bad falls yesterday. I absolutely hate to see that happen. One thinks that he just got dizzy when he came inside from the porch and stumbled as he entered the door. He cut his knee and really banged it and his ribs, but no broken bones. The other told me that she was going from her living room to the bathroom and simply 'blacked out' and landed on the floor. She stayed in bed all day. My PT tells me of all the things to do to avoid falls. I see people not doing those things all the time. I hope I never forget her warnings and advice.
NOT SO UGLY
Monday
We have pencils and menus at our place settings in the dining room. The pencils are the little short ones that you find at golf courses. They are always just ugly little nubs and difficult to use. So being the problem solver that I am, I took my battery powered pencil sharpener to the dining room and went around to every table and sharpened every pencil. Somebody's got to do it. Why not me?
Tuesday, I removed the dressing from my incision from where the surgeon removed my port. After seeing the port after it was removed, I expected to see quite a large incision. But much to my surprise I, found a very small incision. There may not be a noticeable scar after all. Not that it matters to me. After last summer I have so many scars in so many places on my body that I could pass as a page in an Atlas. I just consider my body, scars and all, as a road map to God's miracles in my life.
Today
The only thing that I can think of that might fit in this category for today is the extra weight I may have gained from eating lunch off site today. But most of it will be pulled tomorrow at dialysis, I'm sure.
Well, friends, I've written enough for tonight. So I'll just say "Sleep well and God Bless You".
Monday, July 26, 2010
Out, Out, Darn Port
Another milestone today ... my 'permanent' port was removed. So much for permanence. For the first time in over a year I no longer have foreign objects in my body. I am free of wires and tubes.
Susan said, "Mom, you are free at last." She is so right. I am free of those obnoxious tubes and wires protruding from my body. I am free to take a full body shower. (No more standing at the basin washing up as far as possible, then washing down as far as possible, then washing 'possible.' I am free to put more than my toes in Susan and Chris' pool and hot tub. (Time to get a bikini wax!) I am free to roll over in bed without my 'call button' cord catching in the tubes and wires. Free to wear a shoulder seat belt properly instead of tucking it under my arm. Yes, indeed, I am free at last!
Tomorrow is another dialysis day. I will close for now so I can go to bed and sleep without tubes and wires attached to my body for the first time since July 6, 2009.
God Bless You All
Susan said, "Mom, you are free at last." She is so right. I am free of those obnoxious tubes and wires protruding from my body. I am free to take a full body shower. (No more standing at the basin washing up as far as possible, then washing down as far as possible, then washing 'possible.' I am free to put more than my toes in Susan and Chris' pool and hot tub. (Time to get a bikini wax!) I am free to roll over in bed without my 'call button' cord catching in the tubes and wires. Free to wear a shoulder seat belt properly instead of tucking it under my arm. Yes, indeed, I am free at last!
Tomorrow is another dialysis day. I will close for now so I can go to bed and sleep without tubes and wires attached to my body for the first time since July 6, 2009.
God Bless You All
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Decisions
Decisions, decisions, decisions. I truly thought that my decision-making days were over when I retired. It seems to me that I have more now than ever.
I recently made another major life decision. After several days of research and many prayers, I have decided to place my house on the market (do this now or later), sort through 50+ years of memories (what to keep, donate, sell, trash), move only necessary items to a larger apartment (which apartment, what can I afford) at The Summit (what is necessary, will it fit), and sell the rest in an Estate Sale (which agency to hire).
I decided to stay at The Summit at this time for several reasons including financial (for a year now, I’ve been paying a house note, utilities, HOA fees, insurance, trash pick-up, lawn care, etc. on my house plus room and board here at The Summit and all of my medical expenses that are not covered by insurance), medical and security (there is 24 hour assistance available here), social (I became ill so soon after moving from Tennessee that I didn’t have an opportunity to make a new circle of friends, but I have a large group of friends that I have made at The Summit – albeit most of them between 5 and 30 years older than I) and emotional.
My kidney situation is the primary focus of my life. There is still an outside chance that my own kidneys may recover. It’s a very slight chance, but still a possibility. I pray for that daily. But I know that whatever happens is up to God. However, I have received so many of His miracles and truly believe that it is possible that I may get one more, my kidneys recovering. I’m doing everything I can to make it possible. I take my meds as prescribed, do my exercises as ordered, try to stay on a renal diet whenever possible, never miss a dialysis treatment and pray, pray, pray.
I have so much I want to write, but I am tired tonight. After church today Katie and I went to Starbuck’s (she has discovered coffee recently), then to the house and loaded her car with several items that I want to have here in my apartment or want to donate to the Activity Room here (games, movies, etc.) We then went to Michael’s (my happy place), Waterloo Ice House (for lunch, not ice), and HEB (grocery). After all that, we returned to The Summit and unloaded her car. She left to go ‘hang’ with Denny, her boyfriend and I came to my apartment to ‘crash.’ (Have you noticed that many words we learned in our youth mean the complete opposite for today's generation?)
Tomorrow is my ‘day of rest’ = no dialysis, no PT because my doctor appointments are usually scheduled on Mondays. Tomorrow is no exception. It’s going to be a big day for me. I am scheduled to have my ‘permanent’ port removed. This means that I’ll no longer have tubes and wires protruding from my chest. They get caught in my clothing and are very uncomfortable if I roll over on them as I sleep. I will finally be able to take a real shower and put more than my toes in Susan’s pool. Best of all, my neighbor, Mitzi, will no longer be able to call me ‘The Cow Lady’ in her cute Japanese accent. She says that my protruding tubes look like a little udder.
Well, that’s it for tonight. I guess I’ll close by saying ‘Moo’ for the last night I’ll be able to do so.
I love you all and pray for you to be blessed.
I recently made another major life decision. After several days of research and many prayers, I have decided to place my house on the market (do this now or later), sort through 50+ years of memories (what to keep, donate, sell, trash), move only necessary items to a larger apartment (which apartment, what can I afford) at The Summit (what is necessary, will it fit), and sell the rest in an Estate Sale (which agency to hire).
I decided to stay at The Summit at this time for several reasons including financial (for a year now, I’ve been paying a house note, utilities, HOA fees, insurance, trash pick-up, lawn care, etc. on my house plus room and board here at The Summit and all of my medical expenses that are not covered by insurance), medical and security (there is 24 hour assistance available here), social (I became ill so soon after moving from Tennessee that I didn’t have an opportunity to make a new circle of friends, but I have a large group of friends that I have made at The Summit – albeit most of them between 5 and 30 years older than I) and emotional.
My kidney situation is the primary focus of my life. There is still an outside chance that my own kidneys may recover. It’s a very slight chance, but still a possibility. I pray for that daily. But I know that whatever happens is up to God. However, I have received so many of His miracles and truly believe that it is possible that I may get one more, my kidneys recovering. I’m doing everything I can to make it possible. I take my meds as prescribed, do my exercises as ordered, try to stay on a renal diet whenever possible, never miss a dialysis treatment and pray, pray, pray.
I have so much I want to write, but I am tired tonight. After church today Katie and I went to Starbuck’s (she has discovered coffee recently), then to the house and loaded her car with several items that I want to have here in my apartment or want to donate to the Activity Room here (games, movies, etc.) We then went to Michael’s (my happy place), Waterloo Ice House (for lunch, not ice), and HEB (grocery). After all that, we returned to The Summit and unloaded her car. She left to go ‘hang’ with Denny, her boyfriend and I came to my apartment to ‘crash.’ (Have you noticed that many words we learned in our youth mean the complete opposite for today's generation?)
Tomorrow is my ‘day of rest’ = no dialysis, no PT because my doctor appointments are usually scheduled on Mondays. Tomorrow is no exception. It’s going to be a big day for me. I am scheduled to have my ‘permanent’ port removed. This means that I’ll no longer have tubes and wires protruding from my chest. They get caught in my clothing and are very uncomfortable if I roll over on them as I sleep. I will finally be able to take a real shower and put more than my toes in Susan’s pool. Best of all, my neighbor, Mitzi, will no longer be able to call me ‘The Cow Lady’ in her cute Japanese accent. She says that my protruding tubes look like a little udder.
Well, that’s it for tonight. I guess I’ll close by saying ‘Moo’ for the last night I’ll be able to do so.
I love you all and pray for you to be blessed.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
WELCOME
Welcome, to my first attempt at 'blogging.' This is where I plan to pick up from my CaringBridge postings. As usual I have a lot to share, however, I am not familiar with all the 'extras' here and ask your patience as I learn the ropes. I may not post here until tomorrow or later. But like The Terminator, I'll Be Back!!!!!
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